we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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