That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
