You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
