I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
