I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize