I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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