Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
