Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
