talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
