Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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