But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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