She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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