Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You are a genius and a whore.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
