John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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