my soul wont recognize me after tonight
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
