The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
