So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
