The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
