i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
