Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
