i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
