STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I touched a dick in church today
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
