i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
