Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
