Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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