my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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