Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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