So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
