He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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