at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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