U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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