My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
