You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
this beer tastes like vomit already
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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