Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my being single is dangerous.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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