Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
