I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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