"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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