Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
