I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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