Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I love having hate sex.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
