I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
