Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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