please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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