theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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