i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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