i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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