I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
