If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
im six kinds of drunk right now
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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