Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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