Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
