Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
