tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Randomize
