"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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