My room smells like vodka and shame
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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