I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
