im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
