I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
