I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
