party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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