WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
