I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize